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The Perfect Democrats


Angler-fish are among Nature’s more interesting and instructive creations. For one thing, they have heads so enormous as to make even Donald Trump’s seem small, “pouffy hair” and all. Moreover they exhibit one of the most unusual hunting apparatus to be found in all of zoology, and furthermore they employ a bizarre reproductive process which is a kinky combination of parasitism and gang-bang that even Anabolic Video has yet to match in their wildest X-rated cinematographic endeavors.


But best of all, male angler-fish — particularly the various species of deep sea angler-fish — are a matchless metaphor for The Perfect Citizen if you’re one of Washington’s Democrat Elite. Indeed, the relationship between female and male deep sea angler-fish is perhaps the finest, most exact of all Zoology’s Metaphors for today’s political phenomena, specifically the relationship between Washington’s Democrat Nobility and their favorite political species, Homo Dependent.


They are, in short, Nature’s Perfect Democrats, and this essay will explain in detail precisely why the humble angler-fish occupies such lofty allegorical stature.


But First, Some Angler-Fish Fun Facts

Many marine piscines (professor-speak for fish that live in salt water) are exemplars of streamlined swimming athleticism. As noted previously tuna, many sharks like the great-white and Mako, swordfish, etc are amazingly well-adapted for near-effortless but rapid long-distance swimming. It’s no coincidence that submarines and torpedoes are shaped much like these fish, for this long, robust yet streamlined configuration is perfect for efficient movement through the water for Man’s aquatic mechanisms as well as for Nature’s.


The angler-fish however is about as un-streamlined as one can get, and more closely resembles a large wart with small fins and huge mouth than a tuna. In addition to not being streamlined, angler-fish are physically ugly in the extreme, and indeed may actually be even more unattractive than an assembly of tax-paying private-sector Americans (i.e. a Tea-party gathering) is to Harry Reid or Nancy Pelosi!! They are in fact so ugly and malformed (the angler-fish, not Reid or Pelosi) that one is tempted to speculate that most angler-fish species live in the deep sea because that’s where they can’t be seen, due to the perpetual darkness of that extreme environment.


According to the “New Larousse Encyclopedia of Animals” some angler-fish are up to six feet long, though most species are much smaller. They all have huge mouths and their heads appear to take up between 25% to seemingly almost half their body, depending on the species of angler-fish. Their proportionately humungous heads and mouths enable the angler-fish to consume relatively large prey in a single sudden gulp.


According to the National Geographic there are over 200 species of angler-fish, and they live in various parts of the world’s oceans such as the Sargasso Sea in the middle of the Atlantic, tropical coral reefs all over the globe and in particular the deep sea. Although they are generally poor swimmers, anglers can move with blinding speed for very short distances about equal to half their body length. Indeed the short strike of the angler-fish is one of Nature’s speediest movements, whereby the angler-fish darts forward just as the prey is literally sucked into its mouth due to the suction created by the huge mouth’s rapidly gaping open.


In fact, an angler-fish ambush attack is likely Nature’s quickest of all predatory strikes, whereby the prey actually seems to our slow eyes to instantly disappear.


The Angler-Fish’s Deceptive Political Lure

Angler-fish get their name from the long protrusion which juts from the fish’s forehead and hangs temptingly just beyond the mouth. It looks just like a fishing rod, and indeed comes equipped with its own permanent bait, a fleshy appendage that may wiggle about or even glow (in deep sea anglerfish species) in order to lure as many smaller dinner-fish as possible into the range of the angler’s sudden and enormous suction-gulp.


Deep sea angler-fish lures glow at the tip due to bioluminescence, which interestingly lights up the area just in front of the angler’s mouth without lighting up the fish. The angler-fish stays hidden despite the light mere inches away, because the color of its skin (often red) absorbs the blue-ish bioluminescent light which the lure emits. (Thus, the angler is able to seduce smaller fish to their demise with a seemingly tasty, glowing false morsel of doom, much like the deceptive nature of most Democrat political promises lures unwary voters into deeply indebting their children and grandchildren).


Only the female angler-fish have lures. The females are much larger than the males as well. Indeed, angler-fish manifest an extreme degree of sexual dimorphism, and the unique relationship between male and female deep sea angler-fish is marvelous both for its weirdness and its perfect metaphorical exemplification of the relationship between Washington’s Democrat Elite and many or most Democrat voters.


Deep Sea Angler-Fish Sexual Behavior

Finding a mate in the depths of the ocean is not easy for an angler-fish, since (a) the area is vast beyond imagining and there’s no abundance of mating opportunities, and (b) the anglers are solitary and don’t school. Indeed it may actually be even harder for deep sea angler-fish to find a mate than it is to find a true conservative journalist among the main-stream press!!


As such, once suitable partners encounter each other, the male forms a permanent attachment with his spouse. And that’s permanent with a capital “P” – there is no divorce or other spousal separation among deep sea anglers.


Specifically, the male bites onto the female and becomes permanently attached to her via his mouth. Her juices begin to sustain him, and his eyes, gills and other organs begin to atrophy, eventually disappearing entirely. The male literally becomes a permanent and parasitic attachment to the female, deriving 100% of his nutrition and oxygen from her fluids, which begin to course through his body as if he were one of her original body parts. Indeed, the male atrophies to effectively become a permanent wart-like appendage of the female’s body.


The only part of the male deep sea angler-fish which doesn’t atrophy is his genitals, which regularly provide sperm for his spouse so she can produce fertilized eggs. In effect the males become nothing but sperm-nubbins trading their independence (and much of their physical being) for free sustenance, in exchange for sperm.


A Permanent Gang-bang

Thus, the male deep sea angler-fish is a model of marital fidelity, and indeed is physically incapable of separating itself from his wife.


Being an independent and committed feminist, the female deep sea angler-fish is under no such constraint. Indeed, some female angler-fish have more than one permanent husband hitch-hiker and those with two enjoy a perpetual ménage-a-trois. That is, the female may enjoy the services of two males that have effectively become part of her body, a double-nubbin babe of an angler-fish.


In fact, according to the National Geographic some female angler-fish are veritable nubbin-nymphomaniacs and form permanent sexual relations with half a dozen or more dependent males. This is somewhat like Anabolic’s cinematographic gang-bangs, only in extreme slow-motion. (And unlike Anabolic’s X-rated experiments, this is a gang-bang that never ends, at least not until the female angler-fish eventually expires).


The Perfect Democrats

Upon abstract analysis, one notes that the male/female angler-fish relationship is metaphorically identical to the relationship between many Democrat voters and the Democrat politicians in Washington that they vote for.


That is, the male deep sea angler fish become completely incapable of fending for themselves, and wind up fully as dependent on the female angler-fish as Democrat voters in New Orleans, Detroit, parts of California and elsewhere have become similarly dependent on the State. The male deep sea angler-fish derive all their sustenance from the female in exchange for their sperm, just as many Democrat voters permanently depend upon the State for their sustenance (i.e. food stamps, welfare payments, “free” health care, government housing, no income tax or “negative” tax, etc) in exchange for their votes.


Indeed, the metaphorical parallel is about as perfect as it gets. Washington’s Democrat Nobility provides for their helpless and dependent voters’ physical needs just like the independent, mobile female angler-fish provides for the physical needs of her husband or husbands. She only asks for sperm in exchange, just as Washington’s Democrat Nobility requests only the votes of their similarly helpless dependents in exchange for their sustenance.


In short, among both (a) female deep sea angler-fish and their dependent husbands, and (b) Noble Democrat politicians and their Dependent Democrat voters, all parties get exactly what they bargain for. The male angler-fish gets complete sustenance in exchange for sperm (and a complete absence of freedom) and Dependent Democrat voters get near-complete sustenance (and a near-complete absence of actual freedom) in exchange for their votes. Likewise the female anglers get a permanent supply of sperm, and Washington’s Nobles get a permanent supply of helpless and dependent voters.


Flying Fish

Although Flying Fish (family Exocoetide) are physically the opposite of anglers, they too enjoy unusual sexual behavior far kinkier than even Anabolic’s most imaginative triple-X experiments.


Flying Fish are fully pelagic (i.e. they live near the surface of the relatively empty and barren vast open ocean). Unlike anglers they school in large groups. Moreover Flying Fish are so streamlined and athletic that they actually can fly, somewhat, bursting from the surface at speed to glide through the air for up to several hundred yards or even further, particularly if they catch the updrafts at the leading edges of large waves. They do this to escape predators.


Flying Fish Deep Kink

In order to reproduce Flying Fish require something floating on the surface, like a palm frond or other suitable item of floating debris, to serve as a depository for their eggs. Because there aren’t many such items to be found in the open ocean’s vastness, when a school of horny Flying Fish stumbles across a suitable floating depository, they cluster around it in a veritable orgy-swarm.


The countless Flying Fish in the school enthusiastically deposit sperm and eggs on the scarce floating debris in such a dense and copious manner that some of the orgy participants become entangled and die, literally buried to the gills in all the others’ sexual emissions. (The only way the good folks at Anabolic could hope to produce something as deeply kinky would require a combination of frenzied orgy and voluntary snuff video).


This Flying Fish X-rated activity has actually been documented on film, and I have personally seen on television how eventually the trapped orgy participants sink lower and lower as the palm frond (or other floating egg depository) becomes so sticky and laden with the school’s orgiastic reproductive emissions as to lose buoyancy, dragging the fertilized eggs (and trapped participants) down to the depths.


Back to Angler-fish

Because deep sea angler-fish live too far down for us to readily see, and because they don’t school, we have no idea if a similar grim demise can occur with overly libidinous anglers. That is, as the female deep sea angler-fish acquires more and more of the sperm-nubbin males, could she reach a point of similar sexual overload, where she too loses buoyancy and begins to sink and expire like the trapped Flying Fish?


We don’t know, and may never know.


But, we can logically speculate. For instance, we must bear in mind that the male angler-fish actually is a parasite with respect to the female, leaching sustenance from her which she does not posses in infinite supply. Moreover, at what point does the “extra” males’ sperm become redundant? One wonders if the female deep sea angler-fish eventually expires due to dependent nubbin-overload, just like any other organism over-infested with parasites or like socialistic political systems such as the Soviet Union which similarly expire when they inevitably run out of other peoples’ money.


Nubbin Over-load Demise?

Indeed, the female deep sea angler-fish likely has no say in the matter of how many nubbin-husbands she supports, because as actual parasites her mates may (like many other parasites) be difficult or impossible for the host to remove. In fact, over-laden female deep sea angler-fish may be no more readily able to rid themselves of an infestation of excess parasitic husbands than hard-working, private-sector Americans are able to rid themselves of their over-load of Democrat parasites, both in Washington and elsewhere. Thus, if female deep sea angler-fish do sometimes expire from parasitic husband over-load, she’s actually less a nubbin-nymphomaniac and more a victim of slow-motion gang rape and gradual murder. (Actually, this would be a case of slow suicide combined with gradual murder, for the parasitic nubbin-males are completely dependent on their spouse, and would expire themselves as a direct result of her demise).


Back to Democrats

While these speculative theories concerning angler-fish self-destructive group sex are unproven, we do know for sure that as Washington’s Democrat Nobility create more and more helpless dependents the country will most definitely sink to the bottom, eventually. Just as every organism can sustain only so much parasitic biomass, so can every society sustain only so much non-productive dependency.


The backbone of American Exceptionalism has always been our strength and determination as individuals to overcome all odds and strive and succeed without perpetually depending on the State (i.e. the greater efforts of other citizens who actually produce something of value and which ultimately enable the State to function at all).


Among prior generations of Americans permanent dependence on the State was seen as shameful, and as a form of social parasitism. That’s why FDR falsely “sold” the social security program to the populace as a form of “insurance” instead of calling it the pay-as-you-go welfare program (and demographic time-bomb) that it was then and is far more so today. Always foxy, FDR knew that if he attempted to sell Social Security for what it actually was, Americans back then wouldn’t have accepted it.


But now, attitudes have sadly changed, and many Democrat voters perceive that they have every right to insist on permanent and “free” support, “free” health care, etc from their fellow citizens, even regardless of whether they work or not. Too many non-productive and parasitic Democrat voters now seem to feel fully entitled to free permanent sustenance in exchange for their vote. Likewise too many Democrat politicians — particularly OhMyGod! Obama — seem perfectly happy to create more and more such helpless and lazy dependents, so long as they vote Democrat.


Plumbing the Political Depths

If one examines the Noble Democrats’ aggressive income redistribution schemes closely enough, like Joe the Plumber one will indeed perceive that “something’s fishy.” There’s a clear “bait and switch” going on, a false glowing lure that’s robbing our children of their financial future and robbing us of our freedom and the fruits of our labor, and turning far too many American citizens into virtual male deep sea anglers, in various degrees of helpless dependency and figurative atrophy.


Thus, although we may never know if over-laden deep sea angler-fish eventually expire and sink to the bottom, thanks to our real-life Perfect Democrats in Washington and elsewhere we do seem well on the way to joining the trapped Flying Fish at that unfortunate location.

April 2010

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