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Stealthy Legislation, The Medeival Church And Two Fish


One of the most infuriating and disingenuous aspects of today’s Washington Democrat Nobility in action, is the stealthy manner with which today’s most far-reaching pieces of legislation, such as the Stimulus Bill, Midnight  Cap and Trade,  Obama-Care and other masterpieces of legislative obfuscation are hurriedly being inserted with singular sleight-of-hand and speed into the body politic.


This essay will discuss particularly egregious aspects of this cowardly legislative phenomenon, and compare it with some other singular examples (a) in History, of similarly artful and legalistic obfuscation (specifically, the Church in Medieval Europe) and (b) in Nature, of similarly slick, artful bodily insertion (specifically, the marine Pearl fish and the parasitic fresh-water Candiru of the Amazon region).


Today’s Noble Democrat Legislative Process


When Nancy Pelosi (a.k.a. Princess Pelosi of Private Plane, Wyvern of Water-board) took the helm in the House, and when then-presidential candidate OhMyGod! Obama spoke of his administration’s legislative process while on the campaign, both promised a new era of transparency and openness. Both asserted with Noble Grace that the commoners and groundlings would have ample opportunity to read and debate all pieces of significant legislation. Candidate Obama in particular promised that all significant bills would be posted on the internet, with multiple days available for all who wanted to study them in detail.


But, instead of openness what we get are major, major pieces of legislation, each three inches thick and written in legalese so dense that lawyers have difficulty interpreting it.  Moreover, this light reading is only made available for review and discussion mere hours before voting must hurriedly commence. (Of course, the “hurry” is because otherwise, those irritatingly disputatious commoners and groundlings may get a whiff of what’s coming their way).


One could scarcely imagine a legislative process which is further from openness and transparency, because every step of the way increases the opposite, i.e. opacity. Moreover, these are not inconsequential legislative initiatives, rather, they’re exactly the opposite as well. The above pieces of legislative over-reach will collectively (a) saddle our children with over $1 trillion in added debt, (b) crimp our economy (but not China’s) with needless emission restrictions in the name of a new religion (worship of Gaia the earth mother, with the capitalistic West as her brutal and alien ravisher) and (c) attempt the government takeover of 17% of our economy (in addition to the recent takeover of the banks and car companies, that is).


The IRS’ Financial (and other) Proctologic Objectives


Worst of all, this rushed, un-readable and stealthy legislation will enable the IRS to not only practice its expertise in financial proctology in the bowels of one’s financial records. That is, if Obama-Care is neither de-funded nor repealed, the IRS will now also be able to literally get deep into one’s actual bowels while examining one’s real proctologic (and all other medical) aspects of one’s health and well-being — for example, whether or not you are eligible for the most effective colon (or other) cancer treatment.


One might speculate that next, the Cap and Trade bill will be amended to combine it with Obama-care. That way, as the IRS inspects our financial bowels [as they always have] and now will also get to inspect our actual bowels, with appropriately combined legislation they’d further be able to inspect, monitor and approve our various Emissions produced from that nether orifice, for both Carbon Quality as well as possible Excess Emissions, for which dire problem Obama-care will surely have a cure.


Historical Antecedent – The Medieval Church in Europe


This recent Democrat Legislation is truly an impressive ramping up of State Control, accomplished with a speed which even Stalin himself might have envied. (Stalin needed five year plans to orchestrate his takeover, not five month plans). But, impressive as this is, there’s an example in History which is even more impressive, if the object is complete State Control over the essence of each citizen’s very being with an incomprehensible set of rules and regulations, and enforcement even more effective than that displayed by the IRS.


As documented excellently by William Manchester and others, the world has scarcely seen an example of absolute State Control to rival that of the Medieval Church.


The Church was the Highest Authority in Medieval Europe, with even Kings, Queens and all other Nobility subject to its dictates little less than the peasants and other commoners. Tithing – the Church’s equivalent of Income Tax – was the law of the land to which all were subject, and this enforced income transfer was supplemented with the sale of Indulgences, the purchase of which was not technically required but was strongly encouraged as a form of insurance for the afterlife.*




* Papal Indulgences were roughly as effective at actually dispelling one’s accumulated sins as Carbon Offsets are at actually reducing atmospheric CO2. However, in all seriousness both may be equally (and genuinely) effective as “placebos for the belief system,” in helping one to actually think that the Hopeful Reduction in Sin (be it either Scriptural or Carbonic in nature) is actually happening.


The Inquisition and the Interdict


The Church lacked an IRS, but their even more effective equivalent was The Inquisition. If one questioned the officially sanctioned way of the world, one might very well find oneself in the middle of a pile of blazing hay, attached to a stake via an iron collar around your neck. Indeed, to even question the possibility that the Pope might be capable of error, even if only in theory, could well be enough to secure such an appointment with excruciating slow death.


Also, like the IRS the Inquisition knew where the money was, and thus they targeted the “evil rich” just like the Noble Democrats and their IRS enforcement-arm do today. (The Spanish Inquisition in particular came to focus much of its inquisitorial efforts on rich Jews, whose “heresy” made them even easier targets than Americans earning over $250,000 per year are easy targets nowadays).


Even emperors were not immune. The secular rulers’ subservience to The Church was enforced with two most-potent weapons: Excommunication and the Interdict.


Excommunication was the equivalent of one’s being damned for all eternity to the agonizing punishments of Hell, per the Church’s Sacred Teachings. Because the entire populace accepted these teachings “as gospel,” excommunication was a dire threat indeed.


But the Interdict was an even more potent weapon. In effect, it was Medieval Europe’s equivalent of a weapon of mass destruction. This is because it was, in essence, the Excommunication of an entire society. Instead of simply damning a defiant King individually, the Interdict damned all the King’s people too. And, it left all the buildings and infrastructure intact, like Medieval Europe’s Perfect Neutron Bomb.


It was because of weapons of control such as this, fused in the fabric of Medieval Europeans’ most deep belief systems, that at least one Holy Roman Emperor waited barefoot in the snow at the Pope’s doorstep for days to seek forgiveness.




One might justly ask, “what’s the actual connection between all this and legislation going on in Washington today?” Here’s the connection, and it’s unusually (for me) simple and direct: Church scripture, services, rules, etc. were all codified and conducted in incomprehensible Latin, just as today’s laws and thick regulations are written in equally incomprehensible Legalese.


In medieval Europe only the educated clergy and a few of the Nobles could read and understand Latin. In other words, the people enforcing the rules were generally the only ones who could understand the rules. This clearly enhanced the Church’s power, since not only could their enforcement arm (the Inquisition) horribly torture you and/or burn you alive if you disagreed with the rules, the Church’s Interpretive Monopoly gave it the ability to effectively determine what the rules were. The rules were, simply, whatever the Church said they were. (And there was, if you disagreed, literally “all Hell to pay”).


There’s a clear parallel with today’s legislative process, in that the rules are written by Congress today in such a copious and dense manner as to be virtually as un-knowable to the US citizens today, as the Church’s Latin rules and scripture were to the medieval European laity. (That is, un-knowable but for the happy interpretive assistance of those in Power, be they Medieval Clergy or Washington Democrat Nobles and their lawyerly allies).




Erasmus was probably the greatest pure medieval intellectual. His name was always at the top of the Nobility’s invitation list, if you wanted the most witty and biting tongue at your dinner party. He was a satirist of fantastic barbed wit, plus great breadth and depth of intellect and education, who would pillory the Church and even the Pontiff himself in various literary endeavors with rapier-like figurative skewering. But he escaped the Church’s wrath unscathed, and according to William Manchester even the Pope and Cardinals would laugh out loud at his biting jibes at their expense.


That’s because he only wrote in Latin, so his otherwise risky critiques were not a threat to Established Power, since the laity could not understand the language. Erasmus knew where he could, and couldn’t, “cross the line” with safety.


Luther and Talk Radio


In stark contrast to Erasmus, Luther upset the apple-cart when he translated the Bible from Latin to German, which the laity and even the groundlings could readily comprehend. This changed the equation of Power in medieval Europe, to such an extent that it led to the Reformation. The Church loathed Luther with a passion reminiscent of the white-hot hatred on the Left today for Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and others, because like Luther these people are both preaching Heresy and spilling the beans at the same time. They are revealing what’s actually going on beneath the arcane Legislative Language of Democrat Power in essentially the same manner as Luther made the Latin scripture understandable to the laity — as it was actually written, not as the Church preferred to interpret (and enforce) it.


Both, in other words, would diminish the power of those who could otherwise interpret (and thus make) the rules without challenge or debate. Both Luther and Talk Radio would undermine Power’s Interpretive Monopoly.


And, just as Pope Leo desperately tried to get Luther to pay him a nice warm visit in Rome, so will today’s Democrat Nobility likewise do everything they can to silence their most foul heretical enemies on the airwaves. Hopefully today’s Democrat Nobility in Washington will be no more successful than Pope Leo was in Rome.


Nature’s Piscine Parallels


Perhaps even better parallels exist in Nature, although the above Historical Parallel between undecipherable laws today and incomprehensible scripture in Medieval Europe is highly exact when the narrow focus is on the Codification and Interpretation of Power. (The Means of Enforcement are, thank goodness, rather different).


But, two very odd examples from Zoology come immediately to mind, specifically with respect to the sneaky, slick way in which our Democrat Nobility artfully insert their near-unreadable and extensive rules into the Fabric of America, before the citizens are usually given a chance to know what’s happening so they can react. (At least, that’s what happened with the “emergency” Stimulus Bill, and midnight Cap and Trade legislation brought to light only in the wee hours of the night just before next morning’s similarly hurried vote. The commoners are, thankfully, getting a better and better handle on the details of Obama-Care, to the Noble Democrats’ intense disgust and deep dismay).


The Pearl Fish


The Pearl fish is a small, thin silvery marine piscine which is happiest when it’s at home, in the anus of a sea cucumber. The Pearl fish is roughly three inches long.


The sea cucumber is an echinoderm, a relative of starfish, sea urchins, sea lilies, sand dollars, etc. Like most echinoderms they are famous for their regenerative abilities. Much like a starfish can re-grow arms it may lose, the sea cucumber can similarly re-grow its intestines. The sea cucumber discharges its intestines as its primary defense mechanism against large fish that bother it, entangling them. The sea cucumber is able to regenerate its intestines with little difficulty. That’s probably why it does not mind the anal companionship of the Pearl Fish, since even if the Pearl fish nibbles on its home, the sea cucumber can regenerate any such damage with ease.


Like three-inch Stimulus, Cap and Trade and other similarly-sized but incomprehensible pieces of legislation slipped surreptitiously past the populace and into the Fabric of our Nation by the Noble Democrats, so does the three-inch Pearl fish similarly slip surreptitiously into the anus of the sea cucumber.


The Candiru


But, the Pearl fish is admittedly not the best of Nature’s analogies to Washington’s Democrats’ surreptitious (but monstrous and momentous) legislative initiatives. The Pearl fish analogy is flawed, because the Pearl fish does no real harm to the sea cucumber. (Technically, the Pearl fish is a “co-mensal” or “fellow traveler,” i.e. an organism which lives on or in another but is neither a parasite nor a symbiotic ally, but is simply neutral in its presence, like Switzerland).


As noted in another essay in this series, the Candiru is a highly unpleasant, tiny catfish which is even better than the Noble Democrats at slipping something in before one knows what’s happening.


Specifically, the Candiru likes to swim into one’s urinary tract, and make itself at home in your urethra. Like the Stimulus bill, it’s suddenly buried too deep for removal, before one scarcely knows it’s there, about to penetrate swiftly and with more effective natural lubrication than astro-glide. Unlike the unrelated Pearl fish, the Candiru is definitely not neutral in its presence. It has little dorsal spines which make it a most painful guest that’s virtually impossible to evict without surgery, and it might get a bit hungry too. It’s more feared in the Amazon region than piranhas.


“Dead Fish” and the Candiru


The Candiru’s natural hosts are not Homo sapiens; rather, they’re other fish. The singular slippery expertise with which the Candiru can insert itself and skillfully squirm and squiggle about in the gills of a larger fish – which I have actually seen on television – is even more artful and breathtakingly slick and elusive than the slippery manner with which Rahm “dead fish” Emanuel is able to insert a similarly horrid OhMyGod! legislative rotten filet likewise undetected (at least initially) into the body politic.


Indeed, there’s even at least one documented case (from only a few years ago) of a Candiru actually swimming up someone’s urine stream, out of the knee-deep water it was in, effectively scuttling up the urine stream and swiftly penetrating deep into the penis of the unfortunate urinating-wader in question. (What a pisser!). This particular Candiru died in a few days, and began to rot while still buried deep within the penis. Thankfully the careless urinating-wader managed to locate a surgeon in a week or so.


Unlike America, this more-fortunate victim of an awful OhMyGod! Dead Fish didn’t have to wait until a future election cycle for relief.

August, 2009 – Summer 2010

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