Friday July 1st 2022


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Royal Nicknames — The Elite

Name that Democrat




Imagine yourself as the butler at a Royal Ball, announcing each Noble Dignitary as they are formally introduced, in all their grandeur and finery……..

— Princess Pelosi of Private Plane, Wyvern of Water-board

— Duke Dodd of Deadbeat

— Baron of Bank Barney the Smarmy*   *Per Webster’s: “[smarm, to gush, slobber]”

— Duke Durbin the Daft (reminiscent of WW2’s Lord Ha Ha)

— Regent Reid [in] the Red, Viceroy of Viagra (the valiant Sir Reid’s un-coerced staunch support of our warriors rivals that of the coerced Tokyo Rose, and is matched only by his bold vote for “free” Viagra for child molesters).

— Count Kerry of the Purple [heart], Suzerain of Swift-boat

Sir Specter, Squire of Squirrelly

— Baronet Biden the Blowhard, Gargoyle* of Gaff                                *Per Webster’s: “a grotesque ornamental figure”

— Her [almost] Highness Hillary the Horrible

Her Royal Consort Sir Bill of Butt [Lord of the Lewinsky]

— Al Gore the Green, Prince of Propaganda

— Duke Daschle of Doubtful Deduction

— Rahm of the Rack

— Torquemada Tim Geithner of the IRS (Inquisitors of Revenue Slavery)

— Sir Schumer of Rumor and Smear, Squire of Smug and Smeg

— Baroness Boxer the Barmy, Barbara of Booby

And yea, even High Lord OhMyGod! Obama himself*                          *aka Barack the Broke of Bankrupt America

— Lady Michelle, Queen of Mean America [and Siren of Spain]

— Lord Waxman, Count of Kleenex, Cap and Trade

— Sir Sestak of Spill-the-beans, Baronet of Bribed [by Barack]

— Countess Caroline Kennedy the Catholic (ambassador at large)

— Sir Stupak the Stupid, Baron Bart of Birth [partially]

— Sir Holder the Bolder of Cowardly America

— Baroness Bader Ginsburg, Ruth the Red

— Regent Raines, Franklin* of Fannie’s Fake Financials (oddly luckier than Lord Lay, Count Ken of Enron)  *Per Webster’s, “a medieval freeholder of common birth holding extensive property”

— Duchess Diane Feinstein of Folly, Fluff and Inflation

— Lord Lieberman the Lonely

— Baronet Burris of Blago Bribe

— Lady Latina Sonya, Queen of Quota

— Milady McKinney the Mad (Milady McKinney’s malady made for much Mayhem and Mirth)

— Marchioness McCaskill, Countess Claire of Clone (and stem-cell)

— Baronet Baucus of Bad, Bad [healthcare] Bill, Marquis Max of Tax (and Income Mal-distribution)

— Lady Landrieu of the [flooded] Lake and Lacking Levee

— Marquis Markey, Margrave of Meltdown [economic, not polar]

— Prince Podesta of Progressive Protocol [and Poverty]

— Regent Rangel of [unreported] Real Estate

— Lord Leahy of Liberal Leak

— Sir Sanders the Simpleton of Soviet Socialist Sympathy

— Count Conyers of Colored Collectivist, Regent of Read [the bill]

— Franklin Franken the Fake, False, Fraudulent and Frivolous

— Duke Dean of Democrat Diatribe [and tiny tantrum]

— Lord Levin of Lenin Likeness

— Lord Leon Panetta of Pry, Peek and Spy

— Dukey Dennis Kucinich, Troll of Toledo [and Trotsky]

— Duke Dingell of Destitute Detroit, King of Control [the people]

— Coronet Carville* the Bald, Baleful and Unbecoming    *An unpleasant amalgam of Clown, Consigliore and Extraterrestrial

— Dauphin Dan Rostenkowski, Prince of Postal Problem

— Baroness Browner, Countess Carol of Climate [control]

— Viceroy Van Jones of Joblessness

— Count Kenneth of [freedom-less] Feinberg Fief and Ruler of Remuneration

— Boyar Hoyer, Sir Steny of Many Marxes

— Dame Dunn, Lady Anita of Admiring Maoist Emulation

— Suzerain Stabenow, Dame Debbie of Democrat Debt

— Sir Alan the Asinine, Grayson the Gargoyle of Gibberish (and Voice of Verbal Sewage)

— Sir John Holdren, Czar of [so-called] Climate Science

— Lord Jennings, Count Kevin of Queer [and safe-sex] Schools

— Lord Lloyd, Margrave Mark of Media Mastery and Micro-Management

— Sir Stern the Stalinist, Arch-Duke Andy of Marx in America

— Countess Kathleen, Tsarina Sibelius of Socialized Sickness

— Sir Sandy the Sloppy, Burgher of Burglar, Sneak and Shred

— Dukey David Axelrod, Tyrant of Tele-prompter and Master of Mustache Manor

— Sir Spitzer, Count of Call-girl Conflict [of Interest]

— Viceroy Valerie Jarrett, Tyrant of Tenement and Suzerain of Slum

— Count Cass, Suzerain Sunstein of Species’ Specious Lawsuits

— Aristocrat Ayers, Bill the Beloved of Barack [and Bombing]

— Reverend to Royalty Wright the Wrong, Raptor Rector of Race and Rage

— George C* Soros, Count of Cash (and Communism for everyone else)    *The “C” stands for either Crassus or Croesus; either one fits nicely

— Count Cohen of [Tea-party Crowd] Correctness and Control

— Regent Russ of Feingold Fief [and Fractured First Amendment]

— Milady Waters, Queen Maxine of Marx and Engels

— Countess Coakley of Vote For Me!, Milady Martha of Massachusetts

— Tsar Zeke Emanuel of Euthanasia, Tyrant of Triage

— Earl Edwards the Evanescent,* His Highness of Hair [and Hypocrisy] and Lord of Lies    *aka Sir John the Gone

— Duke Deval Patrick, Praetor of Poor Profits and Imperator of Insurers’ Insolvency

— Sir Harkins the Hawkeye (and Economic Myopic)*    *aka Count Tommy the Commie



Blue-Dog Mimics*

— Lady Lincoln, Baroness Blanche of Buzzing* Blue-Dog

— Baron Bigh of Blue-Dog Hovering* Hoosier

— Baron Ben of Blue-Dog Husker Bluster


Republican Batesian Mimics*

— Suzerain Snowe of Nothing Know

— Countess Collins the Clueless

— Marquis McCain, Count of Cross-the-aisle

— Count Colin Powell of Problematic Presidential Vote

— Lord Lindsey Graham, Grand-Marquis of Amnesty

— Baron Brown of Bail-out Bill   *See Chapter entitled “Viceroy Butterflies, Bad Blennies and Problematic Republicans”


Just Vaulted into the Elite:

I’m pleased to announce two new “over-achiever” inductees into our Progressives’ Promenade of the Elite, by virtue of their particularly stellar recent public displays of Noble Notoriety:

— Milady Michael Posner, Praetor of Prostrate Apology and Master of Meek  (America)

— Baronet Blumenthal of Tall Tale, Regent of Rigor and Rectitude (and Vietnam, Harvard Swim-team Captaincy, etc)

Posthumously Introduced:

— Sir Teddy Kennedy the EverReady (a noted swimmer, like Sir Blumenthal)

— Margrave Murtha of Mean Marine (a former Marine, Margrave Murtha’s brave immediate attack on our Mean American troops’ alleged and unproven “Nazi-like murders” of Iraqi civilians drew proud support from Duke Durbin, Count Kerry and others of the loyal Democrat Nobility).

— Baron Byrd the Befuddled, [former] Count of Klan

I thought you might want to join me in the well-deserved accolades……



March, 2009 – Present

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