ROYAL NICKNAMES — A PROMENADE of the PROGRESSIVE ELITE
Imagine yourself as the butler at a Royal Ball, announcing each Noble Dignitary as they are formally introduced, in all their grandeur and finery……..
– Princess Pelosi of Private Plane, Wyvern of Water-board
– Duke Dodd of Deadbeat
– Baron of Bank Barney the Smarmy* *Per Webster’s: “[smarm, to gush, slobber]”
– Duke Durbin the Daft (reminiscent of WW2′s Lord Ha Ha)
– Regent Reid [in] the Red, Viceroy of Viagra (the valiant Sir Reid’s un-coerced staunch support of our warriors rivals that of the coerced Tokyo Rose, and is matched only by his bold vote for “free” Viagra for child molesters).
– Count Kerry of the Purple [heart], Suzerain of Swift-boat
– Sir Specter, Squire of Squirrelly
– Baronet Biden the Blowhard, Gargoyle* of Gaff *Per Webster’s: “a grotesque ornamental figure”
– Her [almost] Highness Hillary the Horrible
– Her Royal Consort Sir Bill of Butt [Lord of the Lewinsky]
– Al Gore the Green, Prince of Propaganda
– Duke Daschle of Doubtful Deduction
– Rahm of the Rack
– Torquemada Tim Geithner of the IRS (Inquisitors of Revenue Slavery)
– Sir Schumer of Rumor and Smear, Squire of Smug and Smeg
– Baroness Boxer the Barmy, Barbara of Booby
And yea, even High Lord OhMyGod! Obama himself* *aka Barack the Broke of Bankrupt America
– Lady Michelle, Queen of Mean America [and Siren of Spain]
– Lord Waxman, Count of Kleenex, Cap and Trade
– Sir Sestak of Spill-the-beans, Baronet of Bribed [by Barack]
– Countess Caroline Kennedy the Catholic (ambassador at large)
– Sir Stupak the Stupid, Baron Bart of Birth [partially]
– Sir Holder the Bolder of Cowardly America
– Baroness Bader Ginsburg, Ruth the Red
– Regent Raines, Franklin* of Fannie’s Fake Financials (oddly luckier than Lord Lay, Count Ken of Enron) *Per Webster’s, “a medieval freeholder of common birth holding extensive property”
– Duchess Diane Feinstein of Folly, Fluff and Inflation
– Lord Lieberman the Lonely
– Baronet Burris of Blago Bribe
– Lady Latina Sonya, Queen of Quota
– Milady McKinney the Mad (Milady McKinney’s malady made for much Mayhem and Mirth)
– Marchioness McCaskill, Countess Claire of Clone (and stem-cell)
– Baronet Baucus of Bad, Bad [healthcare] Bill, Marquis Max of Tax (and Income Mal-distribution)
– Lady Landrieu of the [flooded] Lake and Lacking Levee
– Marquis Markey, Margrave of Meltdown [economic, not polar]
– Prince Podesta of Progressive Protocol [and Poverty]
– Regent Rangel of [unreported] Real Estate
– Lord Leahy of Liberal Leak
– Sir Sanders the Simpleton of Soviet Socialist Sympathy
– Count Conyers of Colored Collectivist, Regent of Read [the bill]
– Franklin Franken the Fake, False, Fraudulent and Frivolous
– Duke Dean of Democrat Diatribe [and tiny tantrum]
– Lord Levin of Lenin Likeness
– Lord Leon Panetta of Pry, Peek and Spy
– Dukey Dennis Kucinich, Troll of Toledo [and Trotsky]
– Duke Dingell of Destitute Detroit, King of Control [the people]
– Coronet Carville* the Bald, Baleful and Unbecoming *An unpleasant amalgam of Clown, Consigliore and Extraterrestrial
– Dauphin Dan Rostenkowski, Prince of Postal Problem
– Baroness Browner, Countess Carol of Climate [control]
– Viceroy Van Jones of Joblessness
– Count Kenneth of [freedom-less] Feinberg Fief and Ruler of Remuneration
– Boyar Hoyer, Sir Steny of Many Marxes
– Dame Dunn, Lady Anita of Admiring Maoist Emulation
– Suzerain Stabenow, Dame Debbie of Democrat Debt
– Sir Alan the Asinine, Grayson the Gargoyle of Gibberish (and Voice of Verbal Sewage)
– Sir John Holdren, Czar of [so-called] Climate Science
– Lord Jennings, Count Kevin of Queer [and safe-sex] Schools
– Lord Lloyd, Margrave Mark of Media Mastery and Micro-Management
– Sir Stern the Stalinist, Arch-Duke Andy of Marx in America
– Countess Kathleen, Tsarina Sibelius of Socialized Sickness
– Sir Sandy the Sloppy, Burgher of Burglar, Sneak and Shred
– Dukey David Axelrod, Tyrant of Tele-prompter and Master of Mustache Manor
– Sir Spitzer, Count of Call-girl Conflict [of Interest]
– Viceroy Valerie Jarrett, Tyrant of Tenement and Suzerain of Slum
– Count Cass, Suzerain Sunstein of Species’ Specious Lawsuits
– Aristocrat Ayers, Bill the Beloved of Barack [and Bombing]
– Reverend to Royalty Wright the Wrong, Raptor Rector of Race and Rage
– George C* Soros, Count of Cash (and Communism for everyone else) *The “C” stands for either Crassus or Croesus; either one fits nicely
– Count Cohen of [Tea-party Crowd] Correctness and Control
– Regent Russ of Feingold Fief [and Fractured First Amendment]
– Milady Waters, Queen Maxine of Marx and Engels
– Countess Coakley of Vote For Me!, Milady Martha of Massachusetts
– Tsar Zeke Emanuel of Euthanasia, Tyrant of Triage
– Earl Edwards the Evanescent,* His Highness of Hair [and Hypocrisy] and Lord of Lies *aka “Sir John the Gone”
– Duke Deval Patrick, Praetor of Poor Profits and Imperator of Insurers’ Insolvency
– Sir Harkins the Hawkeye (and Economic Myopic)* *aka Count Tommy the Commie
Blue-Dog Mimics*
– Lady Lincoln, Baroness Blanche of Buzzing* Blue-Dog
– Baron Bigh of Blue-Dog Hovering* Hoosier
– Baron Ben of Blue-Dog Husker Bluster
Republican Batesian Mimics*
– Suzerain Snowe of Nothing Know
– Countess Collins the Clueless
– Marquis McCain, Count of Cross-the-aisle
– Count Colin Powell of Problematic Presidential Vote
– Lord Lindsey Graham, Grand-Marquis of Amnesty
– Baron Brown of Bail-out Bill *See Chapter entitled “Viceroy Butterflies, Bad Blennies and Problematic Republicans”
Just Vaulted into the Elite:
I’m pleased to announce two new “over-achiever” inductees into our Progressives’ Promenade of the Elite, by virtue of their particularly stellar recent public displays of Noble Notoriety:
– Milady Michael Posner, Praetor of Prostrate Apology and Master of Meek (America)
– Baronet Blumenthal of Tall Tale, Regent of Rigor and Rectitude (and Vietnam, Harvard Swim-team Captaincy, etc)
Posthumously Introduced:
– Sir Teddy Kennedy the EverReady (a noted swimmer, like Sir Blumenthal)
– Margrave Murtha of Mean Marine (a former Marine, Margrave Murtha’s brave immediate attack on our Mean American troops’ alleged and unproven “Nazi-like murders” of Iraqi civilians drew proud support from Duke Durbin, Count Kerry and others of the loyal Democrat Nobility).
– Baron Byrd the Befuddled, [former] Count of Klan
I thought you might want to join me in the well-deserved accolades……
Damocles
March, 2009 – Present
